The Bishounen Dating Game 5!
by Beautiful Midnight
Summary: Everyone's favorite game show is back for the final edition! And so's Hellmaster Phibrizzo! But will our lovely bachlorette be able to choose between Farfarello (WK), Gateau (SH), and Syaoran (CCS)? Tune in to find out!


Announcer 1: Hey-hey-hoo! Are you eating all your green vegetables to get nice and strong? Super! ^.^ I'm Keroberos, beast of the seal, and I'm much more handsome than this guy. .;  
  
Announcer 2: . Merble. Merblemerblemeef.  
  
Kero-chan: Yeah, same to you, buddy!  
  
Mina: -_-; *sigh* Boys.. could we start here? I'm going to miss my intro.  
  
Kero-chan: Fine, fine. Welcome to --..He stole the microphone!  
  
Merblemikey: ^.^ Merblemeefmerb!  
  
Mina: Aw, thanks, sweetie! *walks onstage in the usual short skirt and tight blouse and giggles adorably* Welcome to the fifth edition of the Bishounen Dating Game! As always, I'm your super fun, super-sexy, strangely- single host, Mina Greenspell! *strikes a pose* We have a big treat for y'all today! Phibby's back, and he's all recovered from his nervous breakdown, according to his psychotherapist ^_^;; C'mon out, Phibby!  
  
*Phibrizzo wanders out slowly, peeking around the curtains and rushing behind Mina, peeking behind her leg*  
  
Mina: o.o Are you trying to peek up my skirt?  
  
Phibrizzo: o_o; God no.  
  
Mina: . So now I'm ugly?  
  
Phibrizzo: o.o;;  
  
Gourry: . You should stop talking, Faberge. You can't win.  
  
Phibrizzo: u.u *eye twitch*  
  
Mina: . It's good to have you back.  
  
Phibrizzo: I'm on heavy anti-psychotics ^_^  
  
Schuldich: . We should try those for Farfie.  
  
Crawford: -_- We did, remember? He was eating them like M&M's.  
  
Schuldich: o.o Oh yeah. He sure was happy, though.  
  
Mina: O.o; So anyway.. our bachelorette!  
  
*Hope walks out and sits down. A nametag on her shirt says "I'm only here 'cause I sucked up to BM, and damn proud of it!". She beams and waves*  
  
Hope: ^.^ Hello, my people!  
  
Mina: . -Your- people?  
  
Hope: ^-^ *nods*  
  
Mina: -_- You've been onstage for 30 seconds and already you're having an ego trip. It took Merblemikey two shows to have one. . *eyes her*  
  
Hope: I'm cuter ^-^  
  
Merblemikey: Merble! .  
  
Kero-chan: . I agree with her, y'know --....PUDDING! WAI! *digs into it and promptly falls asleep, snoring loudly, still clinging to the spoon. Merblemikey holds up a bottle of heavy-duty sleeping pills and merrs, taking control of the microphone.*  
  
Mina: *shakes her head, muttering* Let's just bring out our first bachelor and may God have mercy on his soul.  
  
Farfie: .;; *hisses, sitting down and licking his knives, holding them protectively, his arms all bandaged up*  
  
Phibrizzo: o.o;; Miss Mina, I'm scared.  
  
Mina: *pats him* Don't worry, I'm sure he's....um.. in good company with you.  
  
Nagi: *waves his "Go, Farfie!" sign, beaming* ^_^  
  
Mina: o.o Welcome, Bachelor number one.  
  
Farfie: Top o' the marnin' to ye.  
  
Mina: o.o No comment.  
  
Phibrizzo: Come on out, Bachelor number two!  
  
*Marron boots a burly blonde haired German onstage and storms off, grumbling.*  
  
Gateau: ^.^ Call me, Marron-sama!  
  
Marron: -_-;  
  
Mina: o.o Wow. Marron really gets around, doesn't he?  
  
Hope: o.o You mean it's not Marron?  
  
Mina: . Sorry.  
  
Hope: u.u You promised me Marron.  
  
Mina: Yeah, life's a bitch that way.  
  
Hope: *mumbling* Life's not the bitch. You are.  
  
Mina: . What was that?  
  
Hope: ^_^; Nothing. *squeaks as her left pigtail suddenly ignites, frantically blows it out*  
  
Mina: ^_^ v  
  
Phibrizzo: o_o *slowly inches away*  
  
Carrot: Hey! I think they're gonna fight! LESBIANS! *gets out his binoculars*  
  
Hope: . I AM NOT A DYKE! *throws a mallet at him*  
  
Carrot: *gets hit and flies off the seat. His binoculars fly across the room and shatter* u.u I sent in three box tops for those. Now all I have are my X-Ray glasses and my Sea Monkeys.  
  
Marron: -_-;  
  
Mina: -_-; Welcome back, Phibrizzo.  
  
Phibrizzo: u.u *takes more of his anti-psychotics*  
  
Mina: Well, come on out, number three.  
  
Syaoran: *whining, standing backstage* I can't do it.  
  
Tomoyo: Mr. Tsukishiro is in the audience. He came just to see you, you know. *sighs* I guess I'll have to break the news to him.  
  
Syaoran: O_O *runs out, knocking Farfie off his stool and sitting on it, cheeks bright red*  
  
Yukito: *waves, utterly oblivious as always* ^.^  
  
Mina: o.o; You okay, Bachelor one?  
  
Farfie: o.x I fell on my knife. *smiles and licks the blood up.* ^.x Yay!  
  
Mina: O.o;  
  
Crawford: -_-;  
  
Syaoran: *overly enthusiastic* HELLO, MISS MINA! IT IS GOOD TO BE HERE!  
  
Mina: o.o Not -that- good, Bachelor number three.  
  
Toya: *mutters* Brat.  
  
*Syaoran and Toya glower at each other until Yuki gives Toya a cute little bunny kiss, and then Toya sticks his tongue out at the brat, and goes back to his Yuki.*  
  
Mina: ^.^ So now that the contestants are all accounted for, let's begin. Read the first question, Hopie.  
  
Kero-chan: *snores loudly into the microphone *  
  
Hope: o.o; I can't read with that in the background.  
  
Mina: ^_^ Merblemikey.. sweetie, could you?  
  
Merblemikey: Merble! Meef-merb. *whaps Kero-chan upside the head *  
  
Kero-chan: Mm. .. Right there, Yue.. Just like that.  
  
Yue: o_o;  
  
Sakura: o_o;; Hoee!  
  
Merblemikey: .; *hits him again *  
  
Kero-chan: *snort * Huh? ^_^;; Oh! And we're back!  
  
Mina: o.o; We never left.  
  
Kero-chan: o.o;; Oh. ^_^;;  
  
Hope: *clears her throat and looks at the index cards * Bachelor number one.  
  
Farfie: Aye?  
  
Hope: I hate random gropings. What would you say is your biggest pet peeve?  
  
Farfie: *ponders a moment and then smiles * God. 'e's always after me lucky charms.  
  
Crawford: -_-;  
  
Hope: o.o;  
  
Mina: Huh. That's the second Lucky Charms reference in the Bishounen Dating Game.  
  
Phibrizzo: Well, they -are- magically delicious.  
  
Lina: Told you!  
  
Hope: What about you, Bachelor Number Two?  
  
Gateau: *hops off of his stool, almost knocking over the other two as he flexes his muscles * Unbeautiful people, like Carrot. *looks over to see Marron looking adoringly at Carrot * -_-; What's he got that I don't?  
  
Mina: *hums 'If I only had a brain' *  
  
Gateau: .;  
  
Mina: ^.^  
  
Hope: -_- Looks like you picked the cream of the crop, Mina..  
  
Mina: ^_^ You could always have -me-.  
  
Hope: *pause * .. Bachelor number three! Your answer?  
  
Syaoran: *grumble * I hate it when Sakura-chan makes me put on my Sleeping Beauty costume.  
  
Sakura: ^_^;  
  
Schuldich: Ooh, Brad-sama, you know what that reminds me of?  
  
Crawford: -_- I'm not having sex with you in the green room, Schuldich.  
  
Schuldich: *pout * Why not? Everyone else got to.  
  
Crawford: -_-; We'll discuss this later. The -other- crazy redhead is looking at us funny.  
  
Lina: o_o; *stare *  
  
Merblemikey: Merblemerblemeef!  
  
Mina: -_- No, you can't have the crazy bachelor.  
  
Merblemikey: u.u Meef.  
  
Hope: -_- I'm starting to think that none of them are all there.  
  
Mina: Well, it's the fifth edition. I had to choose -someone-. Beggars can't be choosers, y'know.  
  
Hope: Fine, fine. Bachelor number one?  
  
Nagi: ^-^ Yay, Farfie!  
  
Hope: -_- So much for the element of surprise.  
  
Mina: . Kinda sad that you didn't guess it earlier.  
  
Hope: u.u;; Bachelor number one. I'm a really picky eater. What do you like to eat most?  
  
Farfie: ^.x Anti-psychotics. Sometimes Schuldich dips them in chocolate and sees how many I can fit in my mouth.  
  
Crawford: .;  
  
Schuldich: ^.^ He's up to thirty-two.  
  
Phibrizzo: Hm. Never tried them with chocolate. *walks offstage *  
  
Hope: How about you, Bachelor Number two?  
  
Gateau: ^_^ Marron.  
  
Marron: *chokes *  
  
Gateau: ^.^ *flex flex *  
  
Carrot: . Pervert!  
  
Tira: .; Hypocrite.  
  
Carrot: .;;  
  
Hope: *sigh * Bachelor number three?  
  
Syaoran: Chocolate. Especially when Sakura-chan's covered in it. ^_^;  
  
Toya: *twitch twitch, takes karate stance *  
  
Yukito: -_- To~ya, we've discussed this. You can't go around fighting ten year olds.  
  
Syaoran: *glowers *  
  
Farfie: o.x Fight! It will hurt God!  
  
Toya: *sits down, still glaring *  
  
Farfie: u.u Damn. *snaps his fingers, disappointed. *  
  
Kero-chan: Well, things look to be heating up here.. Of course, that could just be because the Merblemikey lit my tail on fire! *screams, blowing it out *  
  
Merblemikey: ^.^ Merble. *hides his lighter * Meef, meef, merblemeef, narf.  
  
Kero-chan: I don't agree with that at all.  
  
Merblemikey: Merble .  
  
Kero-chan: O_O So's your mom!  
  
Mina: . BOYS! Do I have to come up there?  
  
Carrot: ^_^ You can come here, too.  
  
*Tira and Marron both smack him *  
  
Mina: -_-; Just finish the questions, Hope, so I can get a good, stiff drink.  
  
Hope: u.u I'm going to need one too.  
  
Mina: ^.^ It's a date then.  
  
Hope: . Only if I'm -really- drunk.  
  
Mina: ^_^ Deal.  
  
Hope: *tosses away the second index card * Bachelors, my favorite play is a Midsummer's Night Dream. What's yours, and why?  
  
Farfie: Hm. That's easy. Hamlet ^.x *pauses to lick off his knife and then slash himself in the arm with it. *  
  
Syaoran: O_O *faint, thud *  
  
Toya: *smirk *  
  
Farfie: Everyone dies in it. That makes God sad. ^_x  
  
Hope: o.o Did I hear a thud?  
  
Phibrizzo: *frantically waving smelling salts under Syaoran's nose * .no?  
  
Hope: ^.^ Okay. Bachelor number two, what's your favorite play and why?  
  
Gateau: *ponders this for a moment * The Graduate. ^_^ I could play Mrs. Robinson, and Marron.. *is cut off by a rolled up ball of paper hitting him in the head. He beams and waves * Hi, Marron-sama! Quick! Look at my muscles! *flex flex *  
  
Marron: u.u Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Mocha?  
  
Gateau: ^_^ *nodnodnod *  
  
Marron: -_-;  
  
Hope: o.o I can't see it winning any Tony's. Bachelor number three?  
  
Syaoran: *still unconscious *  
  
Phibrizzo: o_o; *tries to make his voice sound like Syaoran's, ends up deadpanning. * I.. don't really like plays. However.. I do like the Vagina Monologues.  
  
Hope: O.o  
  
Phibrizzo: o_o;;  
  
Hope: That's.. nice.  
  
Phibrizzo: Whew.  
  
Syaoran: @.@ Can I get some strawberry ice cweam, mommy? I've been a good boy.. *falls over again *  
  
Mina: -_-; Only on -my- show.  
  
Merblemikey: Merblemerblemerble meef-narf-merb.  
  
Mina: I agree completely, honey. *nods *  
  
Kero-chan: *mutters something about a meglomanical pokemon and sighs, opening a bottle of Jack Daniels. *  
  
*Phibrizzo walks out with chocolate smeared on his lips, giggling *  
  
Phibrizzo: ^.^ They -are- better with chocolate.  
  
Mina: -_- Maybe now's a good time to go to commercial.  
  
  
  
*Commercial Break *  
  
Announcer: New to McDonalds! We here at McDonalds support Pride Week 100%! After all, we hire gay workers too. There's one at the downtown McDonalds in Edmonton. ..of course, he's only part-time, but..anyway! To celebrate Pride Week, we're introducing a brand new taste! The McCock!  
  
Man 1: Mm! It's so creamy.. but it has a salty flavor to it!  
  
Announcer: And, while supplies last, get a free 'Queer as Folk' action figure with each purchase of the McCock!  
  
Kid: Wow, cool! I want Justin!  
  
Big Gay Al: Me too! ^.^ Rawr.  
  
Announcer: So come down and enjoy a McCock today, with a portion of the proceeds going to Ronald McDonalds Fund for Better Lights In Dance Clubs.  
  
*  
  
Yukito: o.o I'm suddenly hungry.  
  
Marron: . I want Justin too.  
  
Mina: o.o; Well, at least there wasn't a talking Dildo.  
  
Phibrizzo: If there was, I probably would've gone right back to the loony bin.  
  
Mina: Who knows? After this, you might be headed back there anyway ^_^;  
  
Hope: *tosses away the bottle of vodka she was drinking during the commercial * ^.^  
  
Random Crew Member: OW!  
  
Hope: o.o Oops. ^_^; Anyway. On with the questions.  
  
Kero-chan: We're about to start. And heeeeeeeeeeerrrrrreeeeeeee weeeeeeeeee. goooo!  
  
Mina: o.o; That was uncalled for.  
  
Hope: Bachelors, if you could star in any movie, what movie would you star in? .I'm almost afraid to ask..  
  
Farfie: ^_x Silence of the Lambs. I already have the mask for it, see? *holds up a Hannibal-type mask * Plus, anything's good with fava beans and a nice chianti.  
  
Yukito: ^_^ *nods *  
  
Hope: . what about you, Bachelor two?  
  
Gateau: *thinks a moment * Rudy. *sniffles * He just.. he tried so hard to make the team, and they wouldn't let him.. And then he made the goal.. *starts bawling * J..Just give me a moment.  
  
Hope: o_o; Okay.. bachelor number two has a thing for sappy movies.  
  
Marron: *stares in shock * I never would've guessed..  
  
Mina: . Deep down, I always suspected it. *sagely nod *  
  
Hope: Bachelor three?  
  
Syaoran: *has regained consciousness, but has scooted far from Farfie's stool * .  
  
Farfie: ^.x  
  
Syaoran: I think I'd like to star in the Karate Kid. Only.. without the dorky headband.  
  
Schuldich: Do you have something against headbands, kid? .  
  
Syaoran: o.o No. Not at all ^_^;;  
  
Mina: Oh! We're on the last question! Thank god..  
  
Farfie: *twitch *  
  
Hope: I'm just as glad as you are, Mina-chan. -_- *sighs * Bachelors, I'm a big fan of reality shows. If you could be on a reality show, which one would you choose?  
  
Farfie: ^_x The Osbournes. They have a real (bleep) problem with their (bleep) mouths, but they're (bleep) (bleep) (bleep).  
  
Nagi: O_O My virgin ears!  
  
Hope: o_o; -My- virgin ears!  
  
Mina: . *snigger * Right.  
  
Hope: . Quiet, you. Bachelor two, what show would you be on?  
  
Gateau: ^_^ Survivor. That way, I could use my beautiful muscles to win money.  
  
Marron: -_-;  
  
Hope: And, finally, Bachelor number three..  
  
Syaoran: Well, it sure as hell wouldn't be Big Brother, I can tell you that much.  
  
Toya: *mutters * Brat.  
  
Mina: ^.^ And that's the end. Audience, write down who you'd like to see Hope end up with, and -- . uh-oh.  
  
Hope: o.o What?  
  
Mina: o.o Bachelor number two left. *blinku's, looks around *  
  
Marron: GET OFF ME! .  
  
Gateau: ^_^ *sitting in Marron's lap * Miss me, Marron-sama?  
  
Marron: u.u  
  
Mina: o.o Okay.. so .. Audience, just pick between one and -  
  
Syaoran: *has dived off stage to attack Toya *  
  
Mina: . well, it looks like it's going to be an easy -  
  
*A loud 'thud' is heard * Mina: Oh, for the love of.. ..*pause * .. ^_^; Kero-chan, can you call 9-1- 1? Bachelor One passed out from blood loss.  
  
Farfie: *dazed, happy look on his face * *.x  
  
Hope: *wails * I don't even get a Bishounen!?  
  
Mina: o.o You can have Phibby.  
  
*Pause, both laugh *  
  
Phibrizzo: -_-  
  
Mina: Calm down, calm down. I'll think of something.  
  
*Smoke detector goes off , and everyone looks around to see where the fire's coming from. *  
  
Yohji: *looks innocent, puffing away on one cigarette after the other *  
  
Mina: -_-  
  
Crawford: -_-;  
  
Schuldich: . *hiss *  
  
Nagi: . *hiss *  
  
Yohji: *goes onstage and takes Hope's hand * Will you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner, lovely?  
  
Carrot: o.o He's good.  
  
Yohji: ^_^ And I owe it all to Bob the Talking Dildo's Clinic on How to Get a Chick.  
  
Carrot: u.u I kept trying to sleep with the sexy lady assistant.  
  
Hope: ^_^ I'll take this one. *zoom *  
  
Mina: But he's not even a --. .*sigh * Oh well. Go on, announcers. .;;  
  
Kero-chan: u.u I need pudding.  
  
Merblemikey: ^.^ Merblemerble! Meef!  
  
*Fade to black. * 


End file.
